I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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