I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
