Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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