he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
