wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
