Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
