Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is Oprah even human
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
