Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
