Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
