i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Drunk is a universal language darling
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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