As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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