so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
