Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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