hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
