Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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