It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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