Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
