So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
