what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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