Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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