There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
