His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
