they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
