Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
