booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
