so explain again why im purple
no
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
