So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
