what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
