Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come share oat with me in your robe
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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