she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
