What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
