It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
