im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
