I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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