So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
