my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
