Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Im part way to drunk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
