Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
