maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
