I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
