Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
