I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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