Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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