god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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