Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
nutella sex= disaster
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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