Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
