And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
