i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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