Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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