Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
