I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
