Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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